I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
