Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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