i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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