It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
