He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
