Don't make out with my wife yet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
