Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
