I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
