How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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