I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
