OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
