her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
