So drunk its hurt
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
