We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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