Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
