Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
