I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
