She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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