Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
