we have pet lesbian snakes
time to smoke my breakfast
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
