I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
