We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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