Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
