my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
