Where is the hickey?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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