oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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