Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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