Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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