this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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