She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
