Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
