I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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