His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
