you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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