Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
