whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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