My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
