Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
