Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
