i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
