Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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