Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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