We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
