so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
