I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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