i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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