So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
