hotel room ftw
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
