When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
