"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
