Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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