I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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