now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
