dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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