cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
