omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
