new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is my gift to your gina
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
