I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
