Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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