How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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