You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
