I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Boobs are out for the taking
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
