I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
