Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
