Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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