hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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