Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
