God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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