so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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