Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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