I met the friendliest cop last night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
