you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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