i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
